


your soul beats a sound loud enough to quiet the thunder

by arekiras



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Injury Recovery, M/M, Magnus Bane Needs A Hug, Mortal Magnus Bane, Post 3a, Supportive Alec Lightwood, alec's poorly timed jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 01:08:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15085703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arekiras/pseuds/arekiras
Summary: "He closes and locks the door, which feels unfamiliar, but he can no longer tell if his wards are active. He can’t feel his own magic which permeates this place, in between every stitch of clothing and grain of wood. His magic is what made the loft feel like home. It was his sanctum sanctorum, but now he feels like a stranger within its walls."48 hours later, Magnus has to confront some very unfortunate new realities.





	your soul beats a sound loud enough to quiet the thunder

Magnus holds the door to the loft open for Alec, who has one hand in a sling and the other rubbing gently at the wound in his chest. He smiles at Magnus, who twitches his mouth in return, too tired for much else. Alec had spent two days healing in the Institute infirmary, but Magnus has spent two days drowning in his own personal sea of loathing. He closes and locks the door, which feels unfamiliar, but he can no longer tell if his wards are active. He can’t feel his own magic which permeates this place, in between every stitch of clothing and grain of wood. His magic is what made the loft feel like home. It was his sanctum sanctorum, but now he feels like a stranger within its walls. 

He sets the Chinese takeout bag on the table, brushing the ingredient sheet he was working on aside with a pang in his chest. 

They eat in relative silence, Magnus chuckling quietly as Alec tries to navigate chopsticks with his non-dominant hand, spilling fried rice onto the table before finally getting up for a fork. Magnus is filled with white hot anger at himself for a moment, grinding his teeth. It’s ridiculous, but all he can think about is how one of them is going to have to wipe up that rice later, how he can no longer wave away messes. Like spilled food or his love bleeding out on the floor or a bowman’s broken wrist. 

Alec casts him a glance, as if his anger is tangible across the space between them, but says nothing. Not until he’s finished eating and Magnus has gazed into his noodles for over ten minutes, chopsticks still in their paper wrapper next to his hand. Magnus watches with raised eyebrows as Alec gets out of his seat and comes around the table, pushing Magnus’ chair until he’s turned and Alec can kneel before him, good hand on Magnus’ knee. 

Magnus looks down at Alec confusedly, but Alec just says, “How are you?” 

_ Worried about you _ , Magnus thinks.  _ Angry at myself _ .  _ Cursed.  _

“Seeing my father again, after all this time,” Magnus says, “Was a unique kind of torture.” After Alec’s understanding nod, he continues. “Giving him my magic felt like I became his again. The first step in going back to a time where everything I was belonged to him.” Magnus releases a shaky breath, blinking back the sudden urge to cry. Cry because all of the hatred and sadness and fear pressing against the inside of his ribs has nowhere else to go. The magic he would have once used to expel it is gone. Vanished out of him. All that he feels left is a phantom ache all over. 

Alec rises, holding out his good hand to Magnus. Magnus takes it and stands, ignoring the food left out on the table for now. He pulls Magnus to the living room and they sit on the couch together, staring ahead into the dim room, untouched for several days now. 

“My magic was the most integral part of me. My entire life, my identity, had magic in the center of it. Centuries of learning and growing. It’s gone now. I don’t know who I am without my magic,” Magnus confesses. “He took everything from me in one fell swoop, and he knows it. I can feel him laughing at me.” 

“We’ll get it back,” Alec says, “We’ll get your magic back, Magnus, I promise. You saved part of me, now I’m gonna save part of you.” 

Magnus shakes his head. “It’s not that easy, Alexander. A deal with a Greater Demon is binding, there’s no breaking it unless both parties are in agreement or another deal is struck.” 

Alec turns to look at Magnus. “We will get it back. Asmodeus will give you back your magic and your immortality. I swear.” Magnus’ heart stutters at that, the expression on Alec’s face. Alec promises like his word could move mountains. His word may be the only thing stronger than a demon deal. 

“And until then,” Alec adds, “we’ll figure it out together. One day at a time. I know… I know that everything you value about yourself has been taken. And it might not mean much in the face of all that, but I know who you are. You’re Magnus Bane. Magic or not, you are a strong, intelligent, caring man. No one can take that away.” 

Magnus reaches over and takes Alec’s good hand out of his lap, linking their fingers and leaning his head on Alec’s shoulder. “When Asmodeus found me, I was none of those things. He took a scared child and made a monster. A ruthless, careless man that was happy to watch people suffer. I’m afraid that he might be trying again. Create such fear and hopelessness in me that I go back to him, become that monster again.” A tear leaks out the corner of one eye, sliding to soak into Alec’s shirt. 

“That’s what I dread most. The loss of my magic taking the rest of the good things inside of me with it,” his voice has to squeeze past a lump in his throat, tasting like salt and pennies and fear. 

Alec is silent for a long time, so long that Magnus looks up at him. “You’re not alone this time, Magnus. You have people here to help you. It won’t be like when you were a child. Me and Catarina and Dot and everyone else who cares for you won’t let it.” 

“Alexander,” Magnus says, and Alec turns his face so that they’re almost nose to nose. He kisses the corner of Alec’s mouth, feeling it tilt into a small smile. He shifts them both around bodily until he’s on his side, wedged between the couch cushions and Alec laying on his back, head on Alec’s chest next to the bandages over his healing wound. 

Magnus can feel Alec’s heart thudding dully, a steady rhythm between them. “I’m glad that I fell in love with you,” he whispers. 

“Me too. Or else I would’ve looked like a real ass, kissing the wrong guy at my wedding when he didn’t even  _ like  _ me,” Alec replies. Magnus looks up at him sharply and sees the wide smile on his face, which wilts under Magnus’ glare. 

“I’m trying to have a moment and you make  _ jokes _ ?” Magnus says, playing at an affronted tone, but Alec only laughs, straining his neck awkwardly in his quest for a kiss. 

Magnus obliges, but says against Alec’s lips, “You’re lucky you were mortally wounded two days ago.” 

“Thank you for saving me, Magnus,” Alec laughs, pulling away. 

“Don’t make me rethink my decision,” Magnus replies. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 


End file.
